For me, breastfeeding has been quite a roller coaster ride. I’ve nursed all 7 of my children….but our experiences have been all over the map. I’ve endured all the troubles, and the triumphs, that nursing can bring along.
Here’s the full dossier:
Joseph was my first baby. I read a lot about breastfeeding during pregnancy and was enthusiastic and (so I thought) well-educated. But the antibiotics I was given for my c-section led to a massive candida/yeast infection in my breasts and the pain was excruciating. Plus, Joseph came early and was small, so he struggled mightily with correct latch. Things just went from bad to worse, and Jeremiah and I worried that Joseph wasn’t getting enough to eat. His weight was barely inching up the scales. After 2 months of prescription medication, pain, crying and constant weigh-ins, the stress was just too much. I switched to formula. For many in breastfeeding circles, this classifies as a failure. Not to me! I was thrilled with those warm bottles of Enfamil; feedings were now happy, quiet and satisfying times. It was pure bliss to see my infant son getting nice and chubby. For me, the horrible pains and burning sensations were gone. But I was sad that breastfeeding hadn’t worked out as planned. I figured that with this experience under my belt, the next time would be easier.
Catherine came along the following year, my first successful VBAC! She was a chubby, rosy-cheeked baby, and eager to nurse. Although the first week was extremely painful for me, I reasoned that it was just the toughening-up phase. But the pain didn’t go away. I started to crack and bleed. One morning I awoke feeling like the Illinois Central had run over my body. When my husband found me shivering and shaking in bed, he knew it was time to get me to the hospital. The news wasn’t good: I had a severe case of mastitis AND a post-delivery uterine infection to boot. Worse still, the military hospital would not allow me to room in with week-old Catherine. I was such a greenhorn, and so desperately ill, I didn’t have the gumption to fight back. So I began pumping milk (which hurt like heck because of the infection) and sending it home to my newborn. After nearly a week in the hospital on high-powered antibiotics, guess what happened? Another YEAST infection. I was feeling pretty low at that point, and had no desire to go through more pain and more medication. I just wanted to be well, get back home and feed by baby girl without tears. “Maybe I’m just not meant to nurse a baby,” I thought. So Catherine went on formula at just 2 weeks of age.
Once again, I was really disappointed about our nursing plans going awry.
Margaret is the beautiful little baby we lost in 2007. Her problems with nursing were very unique. Because of severe heart defects and low oxygen levels, breastfeeding for her was like a brisk job. She just couldn’t do it without becoming exhausted. Although I pumped for five months, there still were not enough calories in my breast milk to sustain her and promote weight gain, so high-calorie formula powder was added to what I pumped. I thank God for that formula that helped to nourish Margaret during her short life. God called her home just before she turned six months, but I was grateful for being able to provide some of my little girl’s milk until she died. Still, amidst all the grief of losing our little girl, there was a twinge of sadness in my heart because I still felt the experience of nursing one of my children long term was out of reach.
Benjamin is what mothers call a Rainbow Baby. God sent him after the storm of grief that followed Margaret’s passing. Call it stubbornness or sheer force of will, but I steeled myself physically for the ordeal and nursed him right through the horrible pain of yet another yeast infection (caused, as before, by antibiotics). If you’ve never experienced candida while nursing, let’s just say I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. The stabbing pains are felt deep in the breast and when baby latches on it feels like hot knives are stabbing your skin. Multiply this by 8-10 feedings a day for an insight into my misery. It took nearly 4 months to completely clear the infection up; but after that, we reached the summit of the mountain. By that I mean that Benjamin was breastfed until he was 14 months old. Something I had waited 6 years for!
It was actually difficult to wean him because I treasured that time so much…BUT I became pregnant again and that sort of solved that dilemma for me. 🙂
Samuel came along next and I felt ready for anything. My first decision was to decline antibiotics during labor even though I had tested positive for Group B strep. I did LOTS of research and was 100% happy with the outcome; my midwife supported me wholeheartedly. After 4 babies, I had learned my pattern: antibiotics=yeast. We got through the first few weeks of toughening up, and newborn Samuel and I were soon nursing pros. Because of an early return to fertility and a surprise pregnancy test at 7 months postpartum, he weaned at 11 months.
Susanna was born and the story reads almost exactly the same. Once again, I tested positive for Group B strep, and once again I said “No thanks!” to the IV. So glad I did! No antibiotics, no yeast and no pain! Breastfeeding went very smoothly and once again we were happily surprised by a Dollar Store test at about 7 or 8 months postpartum. Susanna weaned before her first birthday (I’ve learned that after about 3 months into a pregnancy, my milk supply changes and dwindles to almost nothing).
Erik is number seven and he nurses like a trooper. Besides the initial soreness that always happens in the first month (more on this below), we made it through and have a good and comfortable nursing relationship now.
UPDATE – Added my experiences with Ingrid (#8) and Mary Kate (#9) below.
Ingrid was born in 2014 and was yet another unique experience. She contracted pneumonia at just one day old and had to be admitted to the NICU for one week. This delayed nursing, and caused me some extra pain (from engorgement) and anxiety. For the first days, doctor’s orders were nothing by mouth at all, which was very frustrating, but we had to trust it was for the best since her respirations were higher than normal. Before the first week was out, I was allowed to hold her and attempt some short nursing sessions, which she tolerated well. At 8 days old, her antibiotics were done and she came home.
And then I went through the typical first month pain. This always happens to me, even with a good latch. It’s worse than the normal soreness or toughening up. My midwife finally told me, “You have very sensitive skin, and combined with the small mouth of a newborn that can only open so wide, the pain is going to persist until baby grows bigger.”
And that’s exactly what happens. Sometime after the first month, I notice that nursing doesn’t hurt so much anymore. By three months, I’m pain free.
Mary Kate was my first home birth! She was also my biggest baby at 9 pounds. Yet the month-long soreness had to be dealt with yet again.
I deal with the early pain of nursing by using a breast pump when feeding my baby is just too excruciating, or when the skin is cracked and/or bleeding. Just 4-6 hours of relief can make a lot of difference in terms of physical healing, and emotional well being. Although a manual pump is fine, several years ago I invested in a good double electric Medela and never have regretted that purchase. I’ve also lent it out to friends, and am glad to have the resource.
I’ve also learned that you don’t really need to slather yourself with ointments and creams to heal; sometimes just being exposed to air is enough.
There are many people out there who believe so strongly in breastfeeding that they would scale Mount Everest with a baby strapped to their back if that was necessary to get it done.
I’m not one of those people. While I did persevere through some difficulties, there were definitely some hurdles that I personally felt were too overwhelming, and NOT worth tackling just so I could say I breastfed. So you won’t read my story in a mothering magazine with a headline like “If I can do it, anyone can!” There are many reasons why some mothers can’t or don’t breastfeed, and it’s not my place to approve or disapprove. A happy, nourished, loved child is a blessing that I will celebrate with any mother any day!
That being said, breastfeeding is undeniably a baby’s ideal food, so I’m a huge believer in support and advocacy. Speaking of, do you have questions about nursing? Need some encouragement? Want to get something off your chest? (Sorry for the bad joke….)
Just leave a comment or use the Contact Me tab above. I would love to help if I can, or just listen (if that’s all you need).
