10 Reasons it’s Fun to Keep the Baby’s Gender a Surprise

I really do LOVE gender reveals. After the baby comes, that is!

As soon as I hear the first cry of my newborn child I immediately ask the midwife “What is it? What is it?” And the question which has been burning in my mind for nine long months is finally answered. There’s no moment quite like it in the world.

And that brings me to the first reason we like to keep the sex of the baby a secret:

Labor Motivator

I honestly wouldn’t feel quite the same about labor if I already knew what we were having. When those first pains hit, I can always tell myself “today I’m going to find out what we’re having!”  The whole world seems to turn on that momentous question, because there are such grand, life-changing differences between the two possibilities.

No Pre-Conceived Notions

It’s easy to fill our heads with arbitrary notions once the boy or girl pronouncement is made. Once we have the sex of the baby fixed in our minds, the dreams and aspirations multiply. And you have nine months to think about it! Learning the baby’s sex doesn’t give you any new insights into the unique person that your baby is, beyond guiding the name choice. At this point, boys and girls alike are going to kick and squirm, expand your waistline, and give you heartburn.

Surprise!!

In the 21st century, we have so few surprises left, I just really like leaving this one up to God. It’s His little secret, to be revealed on delivery day. It’s a little reminder that we can’t control everything in our lives. Even fans of ultrasound have to admit that the techs can get it completely wrong; heck, they’ve even missed twins before.

And if there are “expectant” siblings in the family, the surprise is even better!

It’s an undeniable fact that the excitement of delivery day will be amped up considerably when nobody knows the sex beforehand. Just think of how fun it is to announce more than just the length and weight. Folks at the other end of the phone line are just dying to hear the word BOY or GIRL.

Interestingly, I’ve asked many doctors and midwives about it, and they all say not knowing makes the delivery more memorable for them, too.

Money Savings

If I knew the sex beforehand, I would be tempted to buy more during the pregnancy. Instead of newborn things, I would be thinking boy things or girl things, and those end up being a lot less practical. Being kept in the dark can keep your purse strings a bit tighter. Besides, friends and family are going to surprise you with gender-specific gifts after the birth anyway.

Depending on the type of medical insurance you have (or don’t have), not finding out the sex can also mean NOT paying an ultrasound bill.

I Can Plan Without Knowing

All newborns, whether boys are girls, basically just need clean diapers, warm milk and the simplest of clothing. Even the latter can be very “gender-neutral” – think white onesies and pale blue and yellow footed sleepers.

What about car seats, or the baby’s nursery?

Car seats are first and foremost for safety, so I’ve never seen the need to go overboard with girly or boyish designs. A neutral design that doesn’t clash with our vehicle’s upholstery is just fine with me. Besides, chances are good I’ll use the carseat again for the next child.

As to the nursery, many families (ours included) can’t afford a separate baby room anyway. But if you’re thinking “this will be our only child,” remember that newborns want to be with their mother all the time, at least early on. What’s the point of a pink or blue nursery that might not get much use, or that won’t be practical over time and grow with your child?

You Can Still Bond

Much has been made about bonding with the pre-born child, and that’s a beautiful idea. But the sex of the child has very little to do with that process. There’s no evidence that parents who know the sex beforehand bond more closely with or care more deeply for their newborn. Most of us mothers begin the bonding process as soon as we see the positive test! That’s long before the idea of a boy or girl enters our mind.

It’s enough to know you are carrying a baby. Not having a name picked out doesn’t mean you’ll miss any crucial moments. You can still talk to your child, dream about your child, pray for your child and perhaps even sing to your child. 

If it feels strange to use the pronoun “it” then don’t. I just say things like “the baby just kicked me” or “do you think our baby will come early or late?”

There’s No Need to Adjust

A mother once told me “I need time to get used to the idea of a boy.” But honestly, the real challenge of parenthood is not “adjusting” to your baby’s sex, but figuring out how to meet the child’s needs while getting enough sleep to keep functioning in polite society. Parents are famous for saying “We just want a healthy baby.” Well, if that’s really true, then don’t stress about the sex.

Gifts Will be More Practical

Our second child was cooking in the oven while Jeremiah was deployed; the Army paid for an ultrasound so we decided just that one time to find out the sex ahead of time. It was a fun piece of news to send him overseas during a very lonely and stressful time. My friends threw a party for me and I was buried in yards of pink stuff. I received so many girly outfits, socks, headbands and bows that Catherine never got to wear them all. Years later, when neighbors gave a shower for our 4th child (sex unknown), the shower gifts were imminently more practical: burp cloths, diapers, receiving blankets and bath items. And these were all things that could easily be repurposed for a subsequent child.

Limiting Ultrasounds

People often ask “Why would you not take advantage of the technology we have nowadays?”

I’m not anti-progress, but I am leery about unnecessary medical interventions. Ultrasound risks, though small, should not be simply waved away. When I’m expecting a child, my feelings are even stronger. In the absence of an actual need, I don’t get an ultrasound during an otherwise healthy pregnancy, because I just don’t see where science points to routine scans being beneficial in terms of outcome.

The numbers appear to have jumped ahead of the science. In 2001, 67% of pregnant women had at least one ultrasound; in 2009 it jumped to 99.9% with an average of three per woman! The effects of more frequent, and more intense, exposure, are still not fully known.

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists states “Currently, there is no evidence that ultrasound is harmful to a developing fetus. No links have been found between ultrasound and birth defects, childhood cancer, or developmental problems later in life. However, it is possible that effects could be identified in the future. For this reason, it is recommended that ultrasound exams be performed only for medical reasons by qualified health care professionals.” Gender reveals and photos for the baby book are not medical reasons.

You’ll Get Less Advice

Every new parent is inundated with advice; keep the sex of the baby a surprise and you’ll get a lot less! Because as soon as you tell someone you’re having a boy, they’ll say things like “Oh, are you going to try for a girl next?” or “A girl? Get ready for the drama!”

Do you find out the sex of the baby? Why or why not?