Catherine, my second oldest, was the only baby that would ever take a pacifier. By a year old, she was almost completely reliant on it. The “paci” was a familiar friend at play time, nap time and bed time, and car trips. Thankfully, it was easier to break the pacifier habit than it was the thumb-sucking habit.
Unlike a thumb, which is part of a child’s body, a pacifier is merely an object. That means mama can control it! (Yeah!)
To break the habit for good, I lost Catherine’s three pacifiers – on purpose. At just over a year old, she was capable of understanding the simple concept of something being lost. “All gone!” I announced one day. “The paci is all gone! Where is it?” I feigned genuine despair and Catherine fell for the masquerade. We hunted around the house for a while. We looked under furniture. Checked her crib and the toy basket. The pacifiers had vanished (cough cough)!
There was some fussing, but not a lot. Basically, when Catherine started to cry or whine for the pacifier, I would simply throw my hands up and say again “The paci is all gone? Where is it?” She would stop crying and look around. I would spend another minute or two “looking” for it. The drama created by searching for the lost binky was a great distraction, and it completely banished the tears. After looking for a while, Catherine would get bored and go back to whatever she was doing before.
This went on for a few days, and she simply forgot about her pacifiers. I don’t remember where I hid them, but I did throw them away when I saw she was over it for good. I think this approach worked pretty well for two reasons: timing and temperament. Catherine was just over a year old, so while pacifier-sucking was a habit, it wasn’t as deeply ingrained as it could have been. Waiting until she was a toddler might have made it tougher.
Secondly, Catherine is a sanguine child. A hallmark of this particular temperament is that the sanguine is always looking for fun and new things, and is therefore easily distracted. They are quicker to forget hurts, worries and problems. (Speaking of temperaments….I’m going to be doing a post on this shortly. It’s a fascinating subject which dates back to antiquity, but is grounded in some very simple truths about human personalities!)
But back to pacifiers…
You could try my trick and see if it works. And starting to break the habit at around a year old (or less) is ideal because they are starting to explore and you can get them interested in other things besides the pacifier.
Two other methods I’ve heard that work well are (a) asking your child to give away the pacifier (to Santa, the Tooth Fairy, another baby, etc.) and (b) weaning them away slowly (take away the binky at play time, then nap time and eliminate bed time last).
I know there are those who say “Children will give up the pacifier on their own. Why deny them a comfort measure?” My answer to that is very simple. Prolonged pacifier use, like prolonged thumb-sucking, can cause tooth and mouth problems. This wouldn’t happen until they are 4 or older, but that also means the habit will be deep set and harder to break. Once again, after dealing with the thumb-sucking issue I am a big advocate of catching potential problems early on.
Feel free to share your binky stories below!
We’ve had to approach the pacifier issue differently with each child, each at about two years old. The eldest is very compliant and a planner. We told him for five days, “Five more nights with paci!” “Four more nights!” etc. At the end of that time, he never asked for it again. The second is sanguine, like yours. We appealed to her vanity and told her that her teeth would be messed up and not pretty if she kept using it. There were a few tearful nights, but she made it her own decision. The third is very independent and wants to be big so badly. We’re working on it still with her, but I think the “pacis are for babies” angle is going to be the most effective.
Heather, I love how you tailored your approach based on personality! Wise woman! ~Anne
My current is 7 months and uses a paci… anything to avoid thumb sucking! Our three year old still sucks his thumb and it is so hard to break! She mostly only uses the paci at bed time. I feel like she is really starting to rely on it to sleep and so i feel like i should try to start breaking her of the habit but I also feel like it may be too soon. I am not sure what to do but I am glad i am in control… unlike the thumb! 🙂 Maybe I will wait for a year.
Bedtime can definitely be the hardest time to banish a pacifier for good. I wonder if you could substitute something else, like a tiny little blanket, to help soothe her to sleep? ~Anne
I’m not too keen on pacis, but I think breaking the habit is so much easier than breaking the thumb sucking habit. My brother sucked his thumb till he was four or so and finally stopped when my grandmother (who is a very sweet, don’t say anything type of lady) told him he was too old to suck his thumb. My sister, the only other thumb sucker my mom has had, still sucks her thumb on occasion at ten. I’m sure part of it was she was barely four when the baby was diagnosed with leukemia and she didn’t have mama around, so her thumb and fleecy were her comforter.
That’s wonderful that your grandmother’s words had such a profound effect on him! Sometime it just takes someone outside the immediate family to make an impression. ~Anne
Today I’m glad that my babies never used pacifiers or sucked their thumbs, but honestly there were definitely many nights back in infancy when I wished they would! I would have given anything to be able to sleep “unattached”, if you know what I mean!
Yes, Olivia, it can be very tiring when YOU are the sole pacifier! lol ~Anne
I agree it is hard to break the pacifier or the thumb–we have been real lucky, my 4 even gave up their bottles without much of a fuse. One even threw it out the car window,and said bye bye baabaa–I told her oh well thats the last one guess your using a cup– of course we didn’t have any thumb problem,but almost the same happened with the pacifier, but I have seen it hard for others
What a cute story! Thanks for sharing that, Dianna. 🙂 ~Anne
My son is 13 months and only uses his pacifier at naps and bedtime. He used to be totally fine if it fell out at night, but lately, he’s been waking up crying until I go in there and give it back to him. Hope this is just a little phase!
Might sound mean, but I just poked a huge hole in my sons paci, and he himself threw it in the garbage after discovering it being “broke”. I sure didn’t expect an ending as easy as that.
I’m glad he wasn’t a thumb sucker like I was. You can’t take away a thumb!
Haha, we did pretty much the same thing for my two-year-old! We built it up, saying “Is your binky breaking?” while looking at it really closely, and then one day we cut off the tip and she said “The binky is broken!” Then we told her the binky only breaks when she becomes a big girl, so she happily threw it in the trash that day. She’s quite the spitfire, so I’m grateful she took it so well!
I hope my girl takes it well too, she’s soooo feisty lol.
My son uses a pacifier once in a while at home, mostly at naptime and bedtime, but uses it often at daycare. He never was a big paci user until he started daycare, and I have the feeling they encourage it just so that the babies stay a little quieter. I’m hoping that he doesn’t become to attached, but since he still isn’t using it at home much I’m hopeful that we won’t have trouble braking the habit when the time comes.
Yeah, my kids never gave me the satisfaction of using a paci. Haha! Hadyn, my oldest would gag every time I tried. He used me as a paci – 24 hours of day. Really. It was exhausting and isolating – and I tried and tried and tried to get him to use a paci. I went through, it must have been hundreds. No go.
Ava, wouldn’t take a paci either, but she wasn’t nearly as bad with the comfort nursing. She would also gag with the paci.
I’m not sure what it is with my kids and the annoying gagging.
Grayson took the paci like 5 times and decided it wasn’t for him. He would also rather comfort nurse.
alas.
I think your children are very smart and that explains the “gagging” reaction. LOL ~Anne
My LO used me as a pacci, and then switched to his thumb once I was ordered by a specialist to stop direct feeding. Long story. He’s very particular about paccis, doesn’t like most types, and even the ones he likes, he has to be in the right mood to accept it. However, he will ALWAYS spit it out & start on the thumb when naptime comes. I go with it because it works, and I know it may be hard later, but he’ll give it up when HE’S ready. I know I did.
It’s hard to pull something away from them when, like you said, it’s working so well as a comfort measure! ~Anne
Love reading everyone’s techniques on the paci…
Great suggestion Anne! I agree that personality is huge when you are working on changing habits, be it paci’s or sleep or what ever bad habits that need to be adjusted.
My daughter is a thumb sucker, but I’m pretty sure we won’t have a hard time getting her to stop since she only sucks her thumb as she falls asleep. As soon as she’s asleep, her thumb comes right out of her mouth. I personally would rather fight over a thumb than fight with extended family members that insist on giving my child a pacifier whenever they were being whiny. I understand that many people can manage a pacifier well, but my extended family would make my life miserable if I used one.
I can see your point, Hannah! You have to choose your battles, that’s for sure. ~Anne
I’m so glad my children never took pacifiers. I think I tried them with my oldest two and with my youngest and all three of them spit them out immediately. My youngest began sucking her thumb which I think actually helped her spit up less but thankfully we got the flu (lol. I know that sounds funny.) and she stopped all on her own. I guess it was because she started nursing more? I don’t know. Good ideas. 🙂
I sucked my thumb for a really long time (I can’t remember the age I was when I stopped, but it must have been 7 or 8).
My daughter, 4 months old, doesn’t suck her thumb and will rarely take a paci. Instead, she sucks on her fingers or gnaws on her fist. I hope it won’t be too hard of a habit to break.
As far as breaking the habit, I feel that breaking a paci habit would be much easier than a thumb habit since the thumb is attached to the child.