You have a baby shower coming up and plan to cloth diaper your newborn. Wouldn’t it be great if everyone brought exactly what you wanted – cloth diapers? If your closest friends know your wishes, chances are you’ll get a few. But most of us aren’t that lucky. So what is the proper etiquette?

Can I ask my guests to buy cloth diapers?

The short answer is no. It is not proper to dictate to your guests (yes, even in a way you think is clever or tactful) what gifts they should bring. After all, it violates the whole principle of gift-giving, which is that they are freely given and fully at the giver’s discretion. As the authoritative Miss Manners says “presents are always voluntary, and attempts to extract them are rude.”

The only exception to this rule is you are personally approached and asked “What would you like the most?” You may feel ever so free to reply “Cloth diapers would be wonderful, thank you!!”

Otherwise, a gift is a gift and should be accepted graciously.

But what about gift registries?

This is a socially acceptable vehicle to share your gift preferences. That word is in italics because that’s all a registry is – a list of your preferences. Contrary to popular belief, you don’t use a registry to ASK for certain gifts. It’s something you may opt to provide for the convenience of those seeking input on your taste and style. Many expectant mothers don’t do a registry at all, and that’s fine.

Cloth diapers can be added to gift registries not only at big box stores like Walmart, but through many online natural parenting stores like Nicki’s Diapers.

What if I use humor or fun to indicate our preference for cloth? 

If you’re alluding to clever little verses like the ones below…no. 

If shopping for diapers
Keep one thing in mind
We’re only using cloth
On our baby’s behind     OR

Throw-away diapers
Will just go to waste
Reusable cloth
Puts a smile on my face!

You made a rhyme! Congratulations! But you’re still asking for specific gifts. And that breaks the rules of gift giving etiquette. Or, to use a very crude old American analogy, you can polish a turd but…….

Because let’s be honest; what is this poem really saying?

“If you buy disposable diapers, it will be a big waste.” (Hmm, that’s not really gracious, is it?)
“We will be disappointed if we don’t get any cloth diapers.” (Obviously, or you wouldn’t have taken time to write a poem!)
“What I want most is cloth diapers.” (Playing favorites is rude and embarrassing.) 

You wouldn’t use this tactic with baby clothing (“We prefer footed sleepers, so please, no rompers” and “Only blue will do for our new arrival.”), so don’t do it with cloth diapers, no matter how passionate an advocate you are!

But what about gifts we don’t like or can’t use?

Remember when Grandma gave you underwear and you had to smile and say thanks? Well, the same goes for your baby shower. Smile and say thanks. Don’t tell others what (or what not) to buy you, and be grateful for whatever you get. Every mother, no matter what she registers for her how obvious she makes her preferences known, is going to get gifts that she doesn’t like or can’t use. This is just a fact of life for all of us when it comes to getting presents. And isn’t it true that some of the loveliest and most memorable gifts we have received in life were complete surprises that we never even thought of asking for?

People attend baby showers and present gifts to celebrate your new arrival in their own unique way, not to gratify your every wish. I know it’s tempting to see your upcoming baby shower as a possible way to offset the cost of a cloth diaper stash, but keep in mind that it’s a celebratory event, not a charity drive.

Remember that anything you can’t use or truly don’t need can be donated, traded or sold later on.

I’ll quote Miss Manners again: “The ability to look delighted when not – now that is a truly a gift!”